Game of Thrones: Season 5, Episode 7: The Gift

These episodes are always stuffed with so much! So many characters make massive gains and take horrendous losses so often. Ramsay is such a d*ck, a liar and a monster. He’s been constantly abusing Sansa and she’s carrying the bruises all over her body. Unfortunately for her, her only plan of escape was wasted by trusting Theon/Reek. Of course he’s broken and will only answer to his master. He apologized for betraying her family and all, but crushing her hopes makes that kind of irrelevant. He even got a poor old lady skinned with his treachery. Hopefully Littlefinger, Stannis or (most likely) Brienne will come to her rescue soon. I hoped she would have stopped being a victim by now, but even though she gave some lip to her insane husband, she has a very long way to go. At least she knows about Jon’s current situation now.

My main man Stannis is having a lot of trouble now. It looks like he won’t be particularly successful in his march on Winterfell. He’s losing horses by the dozens and soldiers by the hundreds due to a blizzard that he’s stuck out in the middle of. Winter is coming and he might be stuck in it. The only way he might be able to make it is by making the ultimate sacrifice. I definitely hope he finds another solution. He’s still my favorite for King of Westeros.

Jaime is definitely in unfamiliar territory. I don’t mean being in Dorn, but being a father to a daughter who doesn’t know she’s his. She’s become love sick and he’s a stranger to her, so who knows what he’ll have to do. I like that Jaime is constantly being put through the ringer and being forced into character development.

It’s hard to say if he’s in a better spot than Bronn or not. The charming mercenary is in jail, but he has the Sand Snakes to keep him company. Tyene has convinced him she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and I can’t say I could’ve disagreed in his position either. I might have given in without needing the antidote for the poisin she put into me with her dagger. I’m glad he’s going to live and I really hope she didn’t trick him into drinking something even worse. He’s too awesome to go out that way.

Jon Snow’s departure and Maester Aemon’s very sad and well acted death left Sam alone in a castle full of enemy brothers. Of course they immediately attacked Gilly. Why is everyone so rapey in this world? I mean I get that it’s supposed to be a brutal world and all, but damn, can we avoid sexual assault for a few episodes? Especially after that last one caught so much flak. The good news is Sam got his a** kicked, like he’s needed for a while. Glad he was brave enough to stand up again and I’m sure he’s glad that Ghost came out of nowhere to save him. I almost forgot he existed. Where have the dire wolves been? I know Lady and Grey Wind are dead, but that leaves Summer, Nymeria and Shaggy Dog unaccounted for. That’s some unused awesomeness.

So Sam finally lost his virginity in a pretty funny scene. I’ve never seen a sex scene like that before with a female character being gentle and asking if the male is okay and such. It was pretty realistic though, of course he would feel like that and they even managed to maintain the seriousness of the scene through his goofy “Oh my!” moments. I’m just wondering where he got that dragon glass spearhead he gave to Jon. I even went back to Season 3 and watched him kill the white walker again. He definitely left that one on the ground so where did he get this one? Maybe it’ll be explained, but I kind of doubt it.

Jorah and Tyrion continue to be showstoppers. Tyrion’s ploy to get sold with Jorah was just the type of brilliance I’ve come to expect from him on a regular basis. The pair actually managed to get to Daenerys through pure luck. Jorah kicked some serious a** and presented himself to a queen who didn’t want to see him. Luckily for him, she was intrigued by Tyrion’s presence. I’m very excited to see where this could go and I’m more than sure Hizdahr, Grey Worm and Dario will be coming into conflict with the queen’s newest advisors.

The final meat of the episode brought us to the results of Cersei’s machinations. Between her and the High Septon/Sparrow, a lot of people are becoming unhappy. I’m against the whole Faith Militant faction as a whole, but it seems like they have officially taken over King’s Landing. Cersei’s got her comeuppance finally, which anyone should’ve seen coming, given her history with Brother (or should I say cousin) Lancel. I hope I see her suffer a lot more, but I definitely hope Littlefinger and Lady Olenna can manipulate Tommen into pitting the Gold Cloaks against the Sparrows. That would put King’s Landing into turmoil for a bit, but it would be a great battle. I’m almost disappointed by the fact that there are only three episodes left to this season. I’m confident in their awesomeness.

Jonathan Jones

Jonathan Thomas Jones is a speculative fiction author and founder of geekhavenreviews.com. He has been passionate about all things geek for his entire life. See more about him at jonathanthomasjones.com and follow him on twitter @jtgloryjones.